Fearless Dating Advice For Men: 101

I know what you are thinking. 

You are thinking why should you take dating advice from a single mother. Well, I will give you 3 good reasons why you should at the very least, read what I have to share –

  1. Single mothers like me have no time for B.S. So, I will give it to you straight. 
  2. I don’t have time for mind games. So, I will tell you what most women won’t tell you because they expect you to already know. 
  3. I want you to succeed in the real sense. Because when you are successful in the real sense, that means you’ve made a woman happy. Hence, more “well-informed” men in dating means higher chances of happier relations with women. Everybody’s happy, everyone wins. 

This dating advice series is catered especially to the men – but not just any man.

You will only benefit from this if you meet the following requirements :-

  • You are sincerely looking to start a meaningful relationship with women
  • You want to become a better person than you were
  • You want to learn a better way to communicate with women
  • You actually love and respect women
  • Sex with women is NOT your one and only objective 

** If you are only interested in getting a woman into bed, and keeping a score of how many women you can bed, please stop here. JUST. STOP. RIGHT. NOW. KINDLY. EXIT. **

The kind of dating advice I share will only help those who genuinely want to build a real relationship with women. Sex is, and can be included if the lady happily consents. As much as it depends on her, it also depends on you. But for now, let’s put sex out of your mind. Just for the time being.

Here, please understand – I am here to help you by giving it to you straight. Full disclosure on dating tips from a woman’s perspective. Full frontal honesty.

Hence, this is what I will not do :-

  • I will NOT be massaging your ego. This is not a spa therapy session.
  • I am not going to skirt around and “sugar-coat” my words. We’ll just be wasting each other’s time.
  • And no, I won’t be throwing you a “pity party” either. Because I want you to get out there and party in the real world, with real-life women.

Lastly, please don’t do that “my cock is bigger than your cock” shit in here, and give me attitude.

Kindly please leave your cockiness and attitude at the front door. THANK YOU.

Now that we are all clear, let’s proceed

So, we all know that the pic below depicts YOUR FANTASY.

Courtesy of ABCSOFATTRACTION

Courtesy of ABCSOFATTRACTION

BUT YOUR REALITY IS MORE LIKE THIS PIC BELOW…

How you spend most of your time?

How you spend most of your time?

Now, please ask yourself the following questions and answer them truthfullyThere is no wrong or right answers here. So, relax. 

These questions/answers will provide us with a “foundation” that we can work with. And if there are female readers who would like to participate, please join in. Simply change the gender in the list to ‘man’, if it applies 😉

  1. What is it about a woman that makes her truly beautiful?
  2. What is/are the most important attribute(s) of a woman? 
  3. How do you know when you have met the girl or woman of your dreams? Please note, I am not referring to some fantasy woman or celebrity crush. I mean, the woman you cannot live without. How would you know that she is THE ONE?
  4. What is it that you appreciate most about having a woman in your life? 
  5. In what ways will you make your woman feel special once you have her in your life? 

 I would like all of you to take the time and really think about the above questions. Then, please write your answers down on a piece of paper. We will be referring back to this piece of paper later on. So, be as specific and detailed as possible. Do not leave anything out. 

** Please do not scroll all the way down and skip this part. Because this is not a game or a trick. There is no short cut here. This is an important exercise to help you get started. You will thank me later. **

So, kindly look through everything you have written, and please free to add or modify whatever you deem fit.

Are you are happy with the list? Is it complete? Does it really reflect you, or is it still too vague or generic? Don’t stop until you are 100% sure it is a true representation of you and all that you are.

Once your list is completed, I would like you to put it away. We will come back to it later. 

Now, I would like you to imagine that you are in a room full of people. Some are your friends, and some are not. At the corner, a lady catches your eye. No one in your circle of friends knows her. So, they can’t help you to make the introduction. What will you do? 

The scenario can be anywhere. It can be at a bus stop, or a book store or a train station. The fact is that a lady catches your eye and she could very well turn out to be the woman of your dreams. So, again, I ask – what will you do?

In most instances, “insecure” males will do nothing. Especially if the lady in question is a complete stranger. Some men may pluck up the courage and walk up to the lady, and actually talk to her. However, they would have no clue as to what to say without sounding lame. Many men would not bother and would likely talk themselves out of doing anything. They would rather play it “cool”(according to their idea of cool, that is)…but they’ll achieve nothing, because someone else has started chatting up the lady while they were “playing it cool”. Sounds familiar?

Well, don’t feel too bad. Honestly, women do this too. They “play it cool”, waiting for the guy to come over and chat them up, but nothing happens. More often than not, both are just too “scared”, nervous, or insecure to make the first move. Newsflash – it happens to ALL OF US. Not just the guys. 

FYI, there are many “Pick-Up Artists” (PUA) out there who can teach you what to say, and how to get her attention or at least, get her to answer you. My friend, JT Tran is an expert in training men to pick-up women in a non-sleazy way. It is an art, as well as, science. That is the way JT does it.

For more info about JT’s work, please go to ABCSOFATTRACTION or here

JT TRAN

JT TRAN

In the very near future, I shall be interviewing JT, the man himself. So, if you guys have questions for JT, please shoot them over to me as soon as possible. You can send your questions through my FB Fan Page or via the Contact page of my blog. 

Now, let’s be clear – I cannot and will never be able to teach you what JT teaches thousands of men, politicians, celebrities and corporate CEOs.

** I can and will only give you helpful advice so that you can understand women better. Hopefully, it may even improve the way you perceive women. Hence, you become a “well-informed man”. So, take what’s of use and discard what’s not relevant. **

Now, here is where we separate the men from the boysIdentifying the person you want to attract and then, make the first move.

Boys don’t normally make the first move. They are usually too concerned about rejection, or what their friends might think and say. When they do make the first move, it’s most likely for a bet or to prove to the other boys that he is a (ahem) a man. The worst case scenario is that they will make an ass out of themselves and perhaps, end up insulting the person they wanted to attract in the first place. 

Yes, for the sake of simplicity – we are generalizing here. 

Playing it cool when you are really shaking with insecurity inside isn’t going to cut it. The woman will know. She can smell the fear coming off you like an ominous body odour.

So, calm down and breathe normally. Get yourself centered. Tell yourself, you can do this. 

A man ( as opposed to a boy) would understand that he has nothing to lose, and only a beautiful woman to gain if he is successful. The worst that can happen is that she says no. So what. It isn’t going to kill you and it does not mean that you are worthless. It just means that you are not her type, according to her perception. However, perception can change through persistence. We will get into that later in this dating series

Remember – just because one woman rejects you, it doesn’t mean that other women will do the same. The way to look at rejection is NOT to see it as a complete rejection of your entire being. The lady is merely declining your offer. And yes, she is entitled to do that. Just as you are too. I am pretty sure, you have made your fair share of “declines” in your lifetime. There could be several reasons for the lady to decline – it could be that you dress funny, or smell funny, or that you remind her of an Ex who broke her heart, or it could be that your approach came across as too arrogant or even creepy, and the list goes on.

In other words, don’t take it too personally and don’t internalize it as a self-defeat. Just be respectful, smile and walk away like a real gentleman.

Truth is, many men stop trying after a while. Because they get fed up with these so-called “rejections” or they had too many bad experiences. Seriously, these are the very same reasons why women also give up on dating, relationships and even men, after a while. They get disappointed, disillusioned and heart-broken. See, men and women are not that different after all. What you feel, she has probably felt just the same. What you’ve experienced, she may have experienced it too. So, don’t give up just because you’ve had a bad run. Most importantly, do not shrivel up till your penis becomes the size of raisins (in a manner of speaking, that is). 

Understand this, if you have no courage to walk straight to the girl and attempt to speak with her – then you are done. You’ll never be in the game because you have chosen to sit on the sidelines. In fact, you have taken yourself out of the game completely. Do you seriously want to do that to yourself? Always learn and improve from every unpleasant situation or experience. Become better. Period.

Repeat after me – there should be no fear. Because you are not going into a den of lions to be eaten alive. So, you will not die. At least, not by “rejection”. In fact, you will learn to be smarter and better at this when you get rejected often enough. You will know where you went wrong and learn to do better next time. 

Sure, there are women out there who can be downright mean and nasty, but they are rare and few. Be very glad if you ever bumped into one of them, because they teach you how to sharpen your approach. Remember, these are all just words coming out of her mouth. They are not reflective of the real you. If a woman is that insulting to a guy who sincerely wants to get to know her, then it’s best you know right from the start.  

Trying

Here, a lot also depends on how you approach the lady in the first place.

If you are lewd, disrespectful and objectify her in any way or form – please do not expect her to smile. Of course, she will not be nice to you! For that matter, no sane woman would be nice to you. Always check your own attitude first and foremost. 

Please, please, please do not be the creepy guy. Ever. 

Making the first move is literally your first step to the “door”.

Now, whether the “door” closes in your face or remains open and you get to hang around the lady for a longer period of time, is largely dependent on your personality and ability to carry a decent conversation with her. So, be sincere and politely express “curiosity” about her.

Ask her general questions and observe if she is keen on sharing more. How do you know if she is keen on sharing more, you ask? She will answer your question, and then volunteer additional info. She may even ask you a question or two in return. Of course, she could also be just really nice and polite. So, you will have to watch and improvise. Not every woman is made the same. More importantly, observe IF she is also making an effort to converse with you, and is actually STILL interested in conversing with you, and that she is not looking around the room as if scanning for a quick exit, or that she looks bored.  

How Women Speak

By all means, you should pay attention to what the lady is saying. She is talking to you at long last. So, listen closely. Don’t look at her mouth, her chest or any other delectable body parts. Focus on her eyes and words. You need to register those words, because she will test you soon enough. And whatever you do, please do not ever look around the room to check out other pretty ladies while you are talking to her. This is the biggest NO-NO. Don’t even look at other women. You got her attention now, you better show her that she is the only person in the whole world who you want to be speaking with right at this moment. Otherwise, you’ll be axed right there and then.

Now, remember that list I asked you all to do at the beginning of this post. The very one you took time to answer. Please bring that list out now.

Kindly look through your answers. Do you notice anything?

Observe that the questions were all structured about her, the woman, the one you are looking for. 

Now, I want you to do something with me here. Take your list and then turn those same very questions to yourself. 

They would become the modified new questions for you to contemplate on and answer –

  1. What is it about you that makes you truly wonderful?
  2. What is/are the most important attribute(s) of a man that you possess? 
  3. What would you do when you have met “The One” or the woman of your dreams?
  4. What is it that a woman would appreciate most about having you in her life? 
  5. What would make a woman want to go out with you in the first place?

Be completely honest here, and again, please don’t skip this part.

It’s a crucial part of the series – if not the most important part, actually. 

It is all very fine and dandy to boldly say – “accept me as who I am, or nothing at all”.

Seriously. You want do this right now, right here?

Well, if that was the case, then why are you still alone?

Why are you at home jerking off at porn or playing video games, instead of cuddling next to the woman you love?

So, let’s cut the B.S., shall we?

Let’s do something different from here on that your “future-self” will thank you for.

Let’s un-learn our old way of thinking, and adopt better ones.

Starting with this –

To attract people we want or like into our life, we have got to be someone likeable in the first place.

If we are the type of people no one wants to be around, then clearly, we are the problem. Not them.

If we want people to listen to us, then speak in a way that they would love or enjoy listening to us. Become a man of your words.

The same applies if you want people to talk to you, then be that someone whom they know they can confide in and trust

Always, maintain mutual respect, integrity and honesty.

Above all, be sincere and real. 

However, all of the above means “jack shit” when you cannot or won’t even make the first move. If you can’t bring yourself to make any move at all, then please do not sulk at night and complain that you are alone.

SMT1

 So, you got to ask yourself – is it worth it? Are you worth investing all your effort and time in?

If you are not, then why should a woman invest her effort and time in being with you?

This is why I asked you to do the two questionnaires in the first place. This is why I keep stressing – be honest with yourself.

We cannot know for sure if the next person we talk to or meet will be The One. She may well be, or she may become the most wonderful friend you’ll ever meet. Your efforts will not go to waste. Because your wonderful new friend may introduce you to your future wife at a party. Who knows. Anything can happen.

However, if we do not make an effort – then, the answer will always be NO.

**

It is really that simple.

And yes, it is really all up to you. 

**

Great MenSo, go back to the two lists of questions, and re-read your answers. 

Don’t throw away these lists because we will be referring to them throughout this series.

Now, please kindly decide if you want to be a man of action, or remain a boy.

 

In summary, this session 101 is all about “Identifying the person you want to attract and then, make the first move.” 

No more shuffling your feet, and talking yourself out of it once you have identified the person you like or are attracted to. Get over the fear already. If you can’t get past this, you need not proceed to the succeeding sessions. 

This concludes our Fearless Dating Advice for Men: Session 101. Yes, it was very basic because you need to establish the fact that you will be the one making all the right moves, and become an active participant. You will no longer sit and wait. You will be the man of his words, and a man of action.

Next week, we will explore Session 102. We will get into the “deeper” stuff 🙂

Please don’t forget to check out JT and his amazing ABCS OF ATTRACTION after you leave here.

***

“Where I am now, isn’t where I’m going to be 2 years from now. And where my people were 2 years ago, isn’t the same place they are now. Thousands of my students around the world are actively dating attractive women, getting serious girlfriends, and many have gotten married. 

We grow, we change, we evolve, and we move on. And so should you.”

~ JT TRAN

***

Yes, I’ll be looking forward to welcoming all the men back here next week.

Stay fabulously fearless 🙂

~ SMT

Note: For Session 102, go here.

Being Afraid Is Human, But Staying Afraid Is A Choice.

26 Comments
  • scottishmomus
    January 21, 2014

    Now I just need to get my hubby to look at this. See if his answers tie with mine. Courtship never ends. Or shouldn’t. Great post, Shirley. 🙂 x

    • shirleymaya
      January 21, 2014

      Thanks my soul sister. I agree that courtship should never end. Making one another happy should always be an on-going labour of love. I would be curious too as how your answers tie with your hubby’s haha x

  • busymindthinking
    January 21, 2014

    Funny and informative. Great job. It’s really long; do you think guys are going to make the time to read it and write down answers, lol? I love your wit and insight. It’ll be fun to read the comments. I’ll have to revisit.

    • shirleymaya
      January 21, 2014

      Honestly, I do think some guys will make the time to read it, but not many will write down the answers. I had a few comments in my FB Fan Page but not in here. So, we shall see. HAHA

      • busymindthinking
        January 21, 2014

        I’m hoping they do read and do respond; it’d be fun to see the answers! Grin

        • shirleymaya
          January 23, 2014

          They might be a tad bit “shy” ;p

  • The Hook
    January 23, 2014

    What can I say?
    This was brilliant.

    • shirleymaya
      January 23, 2014

      Coming from the HOOK himself, I am incredibly humbled. Thank you 🙂

  • james dooney
    January 24, 2014

    Yep. Generally good and quite true. Just one point. You say in your post you won’t throwing a pity party, yet in one of your links below the post, you say men should listen to women. Lol is there something about a pity party that doesn’t involve listening !? Other then that, good post. Well done.

    • shirleymaya
      January 24, 2014

      Haha, good point, James. Firstly, thank you for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it. To clarify – the listening involved in communicating with women would differ drastically from the listening required in pity-parties. In listening to women, it is about communication and getting to know one another. In pity-parties, regardless if it is thrown by a man or woman, does not involve much communication that enriches the understanding of men or women. It is more like a rant or vent just to make oneself feel better. I hope that clarifies it 😉

  • Patrick Daya
    January 24, 2014

    Hi Shirley. My name is Patrick and just read about you and the blog. I am single and still searching for some one to share my life with me. I have answered the two questionnaire and do hope that i can meet the woman of my dreams this year…

  • shirleymaya
    January 24, 2014

    Hi Patrick, thanks for your comments and message. I am very glad that you did the questionnaires. Bravo for you! I hope it truly helps. I too wish that you will meet the woman of your dreams this year. May it be so. Please don’t forget to write back and tell me when you do. Cheers!

  • Joseph
    January 24, 2014

    Hi Shirley, i have gone through your write up, its really educative, am an African here in KL, whenever i try to woo a local they scare away or rather shy i don’t know the word to use, maybe the locals need more of your write up to educate them how to be more friendly with foreigners

    • shirleymaya
      January 25, 2014

      Hi Joseph, thanks for your comments. The only explanation I can think of are the recent cases of Africans cheating local people’s money through “magic or spells”. It seems to be in the news of late. Hence, a lot of locals are wary. Reports in the news stated that they could cast a spell just by saying Hello and you’ll hand over all your money to them. Hence, some locals may be more cautious towards the Africans here. That does not mean every African is bad, but it means the locals do not know how to tell the difference and so, they prefer to stay away. However, I feel that when you are sincere, it will take time to slowly make friends and take it from there. WE all live in a world filled with prejudices and misconceptions because of those whose actions/behaviour have ruined the reputation and iimage for the rest of us. It means we have to work harder to show others that we are not the same as those they dislike. Hope I am explaining it right and well. Please forgive me if I have offended you in any way in trying to explain. It is not my intention. Thanks again for sharing and wishing you the very best.

  • Sezhian Vescara
    January 24, 2014

    Let me share my story with you. I have had my fair share in dealing with women after a long history of rejections, deceptions. I learned a good lesson in appreciating women as a result. Handle them with total respect is the keyword here. Gender disparity does not count, Replace ego with making them feel secured is another plus point. I was at one time going out with 3 different women and sleeping with them too, no big deal. They all enjoyed my company and feel so want me again. Formula? Nothing! Listen, listen and listen more. Bend accordingly, don’t fake your relationship. Be what they want you to be to make them feel alright. It doesn’t matter how ugly you are or what’s the size of your dick. You are not in the race, you are there to love somebody who is gentle, clean, smooth and tender. You got to be bold in handling her. be honest, put some natural humor in your conversation, listen to all that she says, give your opinion when deemed necessary otherwise shut up, love her for what and who she is because that what motivated you to love her. Btw, i’m still going out with two of them after all these years and i’m as happy as they are.

    • shirleymaya
      January 25, 2014

      Hi Vescara,
      Thanks for sharing your story. All that you said above are correct, and I believe it would apply to both men and women. Everyone appreciates kind, loving and tender gestures. Everyone enjoys being loved and showered with attention, having someone who understands them and so forth. It really does not have anything to do with looks, or $$ or the size of your penis – when you truly give care and love to someone, that is what she will value most of all. That’s correct.
      I only hope that you are as honest with the ladies as you are here, telling your side of the story. If all of them know and are aware that they are not the only ones “sharing” you with others, then it is clearly their choice. Because they have been told, and they made a choice to still be with you. If, however, they are not aware and not told, then it is just another form of deceit.
      Frankly, I do not judge. Everyone has their own definition of happiness and they have every right to choose whatever lifestyle that suits them. As long as they are honest and truthful, and everyone involved is fully aware – then it is not a betrayal. This is all I am saying. So, I sincerely hope that you and your ladies are happy in the real sense 🙂

  • nickmah
    January 25, 2014

    Wow. Take a Bow, Take a Bow.

  • Mr. Strider
    February 4, 2014

    Thank for the article…
    it really helpful and will serve as a guidelines for my future

  • pamm27
    February 5, 2014

    very helpful…i can also use it in approaching potential clients or to get thetrusts of the people who i should get rid off..by listening to them and looking them staight in the eyes,i should be able to get their trusts…it maybe cruel but i need to do something in order for my small business to survive…its all i have ryt now and i cant afford to lose it…thank you maam shirley..ive been thinking what to do and how to approach these people and make them trust me and pay their remaining balance without making them feel that it will be the last tym doing business with them….hehehe now i can finally go to sleep…my next time ill try this in search for my bride…hehehe

    • shirleymaya
      February 6, 2014

      Well, I certainly hope that whatever you have learnt here, you will use them well and to do good and not harm 🙂

  • LAMarcom
    February 13, 2014

    Gonna try this advice while playing “The Sims 3” and see how it flies.
    Just kidding!
    Great Post.
    Loved it.

    • shirleymaya
      February 13, 2014

      LOL that’s a good one! Do tell me how it goes at “SIM and the City” hehe